ColdWater

John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, ‘Are these plates clean?’

His grandfather replied, ‘They’re as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!’

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, ‘Are you sure these plates are clean?’

Without looking up the old man said, ‘I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!’

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.

John yelled and said, ‘Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my

car’.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching

on TV, the old man shouted,

‘COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN NOW, YAH

HEAR ME!!!’

Puns for the Educated Mind

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his
size from too much pi.
 
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .  

3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still. 

 

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of

math disruption. 

 

 

5. No matter how much you push the envelope,it’ll still be stationery. 

 

 

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 

 

 

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 

 

 

8.Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 

 

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall..The police are looking into it. 

 

 

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

 

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 

 

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You

stay here; I’ll go on a head.’ 

 

 

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 

 

 

14.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’ 

 

 

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 

 

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.. 

 

 

17. A backward poet writes inverse. 

 

 

18.In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes. 

 

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 

 

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine . 

 

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him

and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’ 

 

 

22..Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’ 

 

23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly

 

it sank, proving once again  that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. 

 

 

24..Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you

 

sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’ 

 

 

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal:

transcend dental medication. 

 

 

26.There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of

the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Contributed by Barrie