ColdWater

John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, ‘Are these plates clean?’

His grandfather replied, ‘They’re as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!’

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, ‘Are you sure these plates are clean?’

Without looking up the old man said, ‘I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!’

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.

John yelled and said, ‘Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my

car’.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching

on TV, the old man shouted,

‘COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN NOW, YAH

HEAR ME!!!’

2012- Top Stupid 911 Calls

Silly 911 Calls: Toothbrushing Dispute Tops 2012 List For Chatham, ON

CP  |  By The Canadian Press Posted: 12/27/2012 1:28 pm EST  |  Updated: 12/28/2012 2:07 am EST

toothbrush

CHATHAM, Ont. – Brushing your teeth may be important, but police in Chatham, Ont., would like to remind the public that it’s not crucial enough to merit a call to 911.

A family dispute about dental hygiene topped the southwestern Ontario force’s annual list of the dozen most ridiculous emergency calls received during the past year.

The call in question came from a 20-year-old who didn’t share his dad’s opinion that regular toothbrushing was a good idea, police said. Officers on the scene did manage to persuade the youth to brush his teeth. No word on whether they convinced him to work flossing into his routine.

Second spot on the dirty dozen list went to a woman who called to report being attacked by a duck. After failing to discover any injuries or signs of the duck, police were forced to conclude there were no signs of fowl play.

Third position went to a call from a woman who tried to enlist police assistance to bring her drug dealer in line. The caller objected to the hallucinogens that were being added to her crack supply, police said.

A call accusing a local radio station of spreading erroneous weather reports nabbed fourth place on the list, while fifth spot went to another domestic squabble, this time involving a 13-year-old girl mad at her mom for not letting her do her own laundry.

Other highlights included reports about a suspicious-looking squirrel, a supposed hit-and-run that turned out to be nothing more than an intoxicated fall, and a theft involving a voucher for a free coffee and donut at Tim Hortons.

Not all inappropriate emergency calls are created equal, though. Police also handed out top honours for the cutest call of the year.

The award went to a three-year-old who called 911 while watching the movie “Cars.” The child feared for the safety of the character Lightning McQueen during a high-octane chase with rival Chick Hicks, police said.

The complete list from Chatham-Kent Police Service:

12. A man attended the Wallaceburg police station inquiring if anyone had turned in his lost dentures. He still had his top teeth, but he was looking for his bottoms.

11. A man called police to report that his unlocked vehicle had been entered. Stolen was a winning donut and coffee tab from Tim Hortons. You know you’re Canadian when…

10. A man called police to report that two girls damaged his car. However the evidence indicated that the white substance on the car had been left by birds and not girls.

9. A man called police claiming he had just been struck by a vehicle. The man even provided a full description of the suspect vehicle. Through investigation, the man finally admitted that due to his intoxication, he tripped over a trailer hitch in the driveway.

8. A man called 911 to report that there was a squirrel on his front porch acting in a suspicious manner.

7. A man called 911 to report that there was a large snapping turtle on the sidewalk that appeared to be getting ready to jump into traffic.

6. A woman called police to report that she has just been threatened by her downstairs neighbour. Apparently as the woman watered her plants, some water dripped down onto her neighbour’s dog.

5. A 13-year-old youth called police to report that her mother would not allow her to do her own laundry.

4. A man called police in January to complain about the weather report he just heard on a local radio station. They reported “slight flurries” when in fact he was driving in a “snowstorm.”

3. A woman called police to report that her drug dealer was lacing her crack with drugs that caused her to hallucinate and hear voices. She asked police to make him stop doing that.

2. A woman called police to report that she was just attacked by a duck who was now sitting in a puddle watching her. The woman was not injured and officers failed to locate the duck upon their arrival.

1. Police were called to a family dispute between a father and his adult son. The son called police because his father told him to brush his teeth and he didn’t want to. Police were able to defuse the situation by talking the 20-year-old son into brushing his teeth right away, thus making his 63-year-old father happy.

 

2011 Top 911 Call Silly List

Top 10 Silly 911 Calls: Hamburger-Eating Cat, Sofa Disputes, Club Entry Denied

Cat And Dog Burger
This cat definitely knows what it wants.

First Posted: 12/29/11 10:37 AM ET Updated: 12/29/11 12:45 PM ET

CHATHAM, Ont. – What do hamburger-eating cats, video game squabbles and an unwanted carpet roll have in common?

Chatham-Kent police can’t quite believe it, but people in their southwestern Ontario area apparently thought these were all situations requiring an emergency response.

A woman who called 911 because her cats ate her Whopper and she wanted another one earned the dubious top spot on the Chatham-Kent Police Service “Top 10 Silly Calls of 2011.”

It’s the third annual instalment of the list. Last year’s No. 1 was a woman who called police to complain that her ex-boyfriend gave her perfume as a gift, when all she really wanted was drugs.

“It does surprise me that we’re still getting these … calls that are so outlandish,” said Const. Michael Pearce.

This year there was such an embarrassment of riches that the force could have issued a Top 20 list, but managed to pare it down to 10, Pearce said.

“We don’t want people to stop calling 911 or the police if they need assistance, but we want to make sure that it’s police-related,” he said.

One of Pearce’s favourites that should not have warranted a call to police was about an errant carpet that turned out to be not so errant after all.

A man called to report that he found a roll of carpet on his front lawn and wanted an officer to come to his home. He later cancelled his call when he found out his wife put it there.

Also not requiring police intervention: domestic squabbles over which video game system to play or who gets to sleep on a certain side of a sofa.

Pearce said he suspects alcohol was a factor in some of the top 10 calls.

Read the THE FULL TOP 10 LIST:

During a snow emergency in early February, a woman called police to complain that snowplows were cleaning her street and making too much noise.

The Lady and the Deer Crossing! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

This is HILARIOUS!

A lady phones into a talk show about the poor locations for deer signs!

You WILL NOT REGRET listening to this! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Contributed by Barrie!

 

Donna the Deer Crossing Lady: The Rest of the Story!